An Interview On Depression
When a friend told me of a recent suicide, I decided to post this interview I conducted a few years back. Unfortunately, the subject seems more relevant today than it did then. My guest shared her experience of a year-long bout with depression. If you or someone you love is struggling with this debilitating illness, I pray my guest’s words will offer you encouragement as well as practical suggestions.
SV: You went through a very dark period of depression a few years ago. Looking back, how would you describe that time?
CW: It’s as David said in Psalm 40, being at the bottom of a pit. Everything is black, and it seems as though there is no hope and no way out.
SV: We don’t talk much about depression among Christians. Why do you think that is?
CW: A Christian is supposed to be strong, full of joy. If we don’t evidence these we feel like a failure and we’re ashamed.
SV: What was your first indication that you were not simply experiencing a blue day, that you were in serious trouble?
CW: When I could no longer control my thoughts, I knew something was terribly wrong. Negative thoughts would bombard me constantly, and I seemed powerless to control them.
SV: Did you consider medical help?
CW: I eventually sought medical attention, and a thyroid problem was discovered. Medication brought some improvement. But I also believed it was a spiritual matter. The Lord used this time in my life to settle a lot of questions I’d had for a long time.
SV: Would you share a little about that?
CW: I grew up in a Christian home and accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior when I was twelve. I attended church with my parents until I married. Then I began attending my husband’s church. There, the Gospel was presented in a slightly different manner. Not a wrong manner just one that made me question my salvation. And because Satan is cunning and set on my destruction, he played on my doubts. Fear took over.
SV: Can you describe what it was like for you, to feel yourself sinking and yet unable to stop it?
CW: It’s lonely. And dark. You feel like you’re going crazy. Like there’s two people. The one you used to be is still there, deep down, but you can’t grab her and you can’t get her back. You want to and you try, but you just see her slipping farther and farther away.
SV: It must have been a difficult time for your husband, as well. What was his role during that time.
CW: He didn’t understand what was happening, but he would come home from work each night and just hold me and pray for me. He was a rock, and he was there. He gave me hope.
SV: What about your children?
CW: My husband brought them together and told them what was happening. They were 11 and 16 at the time. Their role was prayer. They went through the valley with me.
SV: How did your friends respond to your illness?
CW: Some drew close, others pulled away. I think they were afraid they would do or say something that would make me feel worse.
SV: When a friend or family member is in the grip of depression, we are often at a loss of how to help them. Is there anything that someone did or said that was helpful?
CW: A few close friends often called me. They’d make me go to lunch with them, or share an interesting magazine article with me. They were just there for me. The greatest help came from those who had gone through the valley before me and had made it through. Their stories gave me hope.
SV: Let’s talk a little about the physical aspect. You were in this state of depression for over a year. What was the effect on your health?
CW: I had no appetite and went down to 87 pounds. I experienced sleeplessness, heart palpitations, excessive fear, and emotional instability. I cried all the time. I was like a rubber band, stretched to the limit and ready to snap.
SV: I know you loved God with all your heart before your illness. How did you reconcile what was happening to you with God’s love for you?
CW: Anyone who’s read the Scriptures knows God loves us. But when we go through something that seems to contradict that, it’s difficult to reconcile. I didn’t feel God’s love, but the Holy Spirit continually confirmed to me that God loved me.
SV: Did you sense God’s presence?
CW: No, but I knew He was with me. At times, I felt that He was angry with me but that’s because the depression was distorting my perceptions. I’d lie in bed at night, lift my hand in the air, and cry, “Lord, just take my hand. I need you.” There was nothing except the knowledge that He was there.
SV: It’s obvious the Lord brought you victoriously through that valley. When did you sense the cloud beginning to lift?
CW: A young pastor assisting in our church at the time was helping me to see it all from God’s perspective. I began to see my root problem was fear. Only then could I begin to overcome. I had to learn to replace Satan’s lies with the truth of the Word of God.
SV: Is there anything else that stands out that you learned through this journey?
CW: I learned what it really means for the Lord to be my Shepherd. When He says He will lead us through the valley, He means just that. We may not see Him or sense His presence or even hear His voice, but we can be assured the Shepherd is there. He has promised, and He always keeps His promises.
SV: Was there a particular Scripture that gave you hope or comfort?
CW: Isaiah 40:29, “He gives power to the faint, and to those who have no might He increases strength.” Also 2 Timothy 1:7, “God has not given us the spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”
SV: When you were in the grip of depression, did you believe any good could come from it?
CW: Yes, I really believed that. I took a step of faith, and I wrote in my journal asking God to use it. I would even try to imagine how He would use it for His glory, and that gave me hope. The Scriptures overflow with examples of how God brought good out of the bad circumstances in the lives of His people.
SV: How has the Lord used that time for good?
CW: Through the whole time of illness, through the struggles with doubt and fear, the Lord showed me His unfailing love for me. He allowed me to receive what I needed most—love, acceptance, personal growth. He emptied me of myself, then filled me to overflowing with Himself.
SV: Do you ever sense depression settling over you again. If so, what is your battle plan?
CW: Yes. I believe Satan wants to paralyze me and keep me from fulfilling the plan God has for me. When I sense that happening, I have to put on my armor (Ephesians 6) and go into battle. I have to stand on the truth and resist the lies.
SV: Is there hope for those suffering from depression?
CW: Definitely. God is the Great Physician. He promised to heal the broken-hearted.
SV: What message would you give to those who are walking through a dark valley?
CW: Listen to God by reading the Bible. Keep a journal and record what you learn. Trust in Him with all your heart, and don’t lean on your own understanding (Proverbs 3:5-6). Most importantly, humble yourself and ask others to support you in prayer.
My guest currently serves in her local church and is actively involved in helping others overcome depression.