50 Shades of Bullies
Like the array of foundations at a cosmetic counter, bullies come in every shade. From the ranting activist threatening your life to the demure sweet-talker coercing you to give out your personal information.
We all recognize the punk, but we may not recognize the soft-boiled bully.
This week, I went to a bank I had no previous relationship with to open a checking account. The young woman serving me immediately asked where I currently bank. I asked why she needed to know that.
“Well,” she said, “we like to know why you are changing banks.”
“I’m not changing banks,” I said. “I’m merely opening a new account.”
“What type of accounts do you currently have?” she asked.
“Why do you need to know that?”
“So I can choose the best account for you.”
“You tell me what checking accounts you offer," I said politely, "and I will choose the best account for me.” The bank employee shifted into professional yet friendly mode and we were able to get the task accomplished.
As I thought about the experience, I realized the woman had been subtly bullying me for personal, private information. How many people would have answered her questions without hesitancy? Are we so used to their tactics that we no longer recognize a bully when we meet one?
The bold shades are the activist employees who breed chaos, dissension, and hostility in the workplace. Using threats and intimidation, they demand the company as a whole take political sides. Praise God, some CEOs have had enough and are showing these bullies the door.
Bullies are not only among the workforce, they are in the boardroom. Employers threaten you with the loss of your job if you don’t comply with their overreaching demands, even if to do so would violate your conscience. O Bullyboy, the profits, the profits are falling ...
Daniel Schmidt, a student at the University of Chicago, knows what it's like to be bullied. According to his article “Welcome to the Elite,” he was told he couldn’t participate in a debate tournament because he was white. He also tells how the students, although no longer required to wear masks, were told by one professor that they should. The entire class—except for Daniel (kudos, Daniel)—like lemmings, put on a mask and bowed to the bully (my words, not his). He closes his piece with this line, “If you’re one of the unfortunate ones with less melanin, you need to participate in diversity training that makes you despise yourself for being born with the wrong skin color.”
Corporations, universities, and even the Supreme Court has faced down their bullies. Lawless protestors harass them and even threaten their lives, their family, and their property. What would you do if a mob rioted constantly outside your house and promised to harm your family? No wonder this same mob wants to strip the populace of their right to bear arms. I’d carry, wouldn’t you?
A more subtle shade may be in our home. A two-year-old throwing a temper tantrum, a teenager’s rebellion, a spouse’s manipulation, these are all forms of bullying. They are bullies using intimidation tactics to get their own way. We can deal with the toddler wanting a cookie before lunch, and the teenager wanting to stay out later, and the alcoholic spouse ranting for more beer, or we can address the real issue—the bully in the house.
And what about the nurse or dental assistant bullying you for information, asking unrelated personal questions? Like this one I was asked by a nurse, “Do you have a gun in the house?” I wanted to inform her my gun was not currently in my house, but I knew security would be called. Seriously, nurse, can you just check my blood pressure?
So, how do we deal with a bully? I’ll give you three C’s to make it easy to remember.
Be confident. Don’t cower. In quietness and in confidence shall be your strength (Isaiah 30:15). Bullies prey on those they perceive as weak. In Christ we are more than conquerors so be strong in the Lord.
Be courteous. In the home and in the workplace. Everywhere. A soft answer turns away wrath but a harsh word stirs up anger (Proverbs 15:1). Never do anything you will have to apologize for, and never say anything you wouldn’t want replayed in a court of law. Remember, meekness is not weakness but strength under control.
Be consistent. Do not give in to the bully one day and then try to stand up to him/her the next. James 1:8 says, “A doubleminded person is unstable in all their ways.” Stay planted firmly in the soil of your convictions every day. Every time.
Finally, if you believe it would be rude not to comply with a bully, it is because you are being bullied into believing you would be rude.